I’m sick of being fat. Tired. Lazy. This will change.
I use to be. (Song I’m working on)
I use to be the kind of person that was calm as a Sunday mornin //
Polite as a little kid that was raised up by Mormons //
Although I wasn’t//
that was just an example of the kindness I often showed to others//
But It was hard sometimes, being raised by a single mother//
I often wondered how I could help her out, along with many others//
Because I seen many without the love I was fortunate to have//
who just felt fortunate to have a laugh//
I wanted to save the whole world, one person at a time//
So i started by saying hi to whoever I was passing by//
Flashed a friendly smile to try give others some peace of mind//
Tried to introduce myself to others, but each time I was//
met with looks of judgment, you would think I just cut off an am-bu-lance//
But I didn’t let it phase me//
Until 5 years later , when something started to rearrange the//
way I processed thoughts from empathy//
into what makes me//
cold and angry//
I use to be the kind of person that would takeover someone’s burden//
Putting others before my self, and my shoulders were hurting//
And when I would ask for help, no one was stopping//
To lend a hand , it’s like that wasn’t an option//
I couldn’t understand//
I thought each of us was a common man//
But, I came to realize most people felt because they were higher up//
On the class level they didn’t feel the need to give a fuck//
All the years of helping out, but no one around when I was struggling//
The same people who were so grateful and would throw a hug in//
Fast forward abit , now I’m homeless with//
No jobs hiring a guy with no home to live//
Morning to night fall I’m just walking//
Talking to myself, 3 months gone and//
No signs of improvement //
I’m making moves but the world around me denies my movement//
And now I just feel foolish//
As a toothless child who figures out their parents are the tooth-fairy//
Belief system shattered and you sit confused, barely//
Able to believe in anything again, even the truths buried//
Beneath the rubble of people tearing you down, demolition style, because to them the truth varies//
Into their hands, and the views they carry//
And the shoes their wearing always seem to outsize the foot print that you are baring//
So fuck it, being nice never helped me out, I’m threw with caring//
The cold shoulder is what I’m sharing//
I use to be the kind of person uncertain concerned of worsen-ing//
Personas of persons//
Merging into herds of//
Jerks and back stabbers yearning to pull the curtains//
Over the eyes of kind minds , hurting their belief that people can be worth it//
But contrary to that they start to view people as worthless//
Undeserving //of anything more than //
A “fuck you get the fuck off of my door step”//
A continuation of cycles, constricting as corsets//
Creating friction as dangerous as corvettes//
Skidding off course near a cliff, and fast moving towards it //
Seems it’s been said before but were still getting it wrong//
So why not make a change and just try getting along//
Flash a smile, wave a hand, give a nod, exchange a saddened expression for an optimistic stance//
It’s gotta be better than remembering the disgruntled glance//
That’s still pissing you off after a week has passed//
Cause that’s such waste of energy//
Pretending we// don’t give a fuck //
when really we do//
Feeling exhausted as a truck //
Travelling up //
a never ending hill of ob-stacles idk it just// doesn’t seem worth it does it//
If your going to say “fuck it”//
Say it in terms of looking past the negativity and rising above it//
Than maybe you can look at life and learn to love it//
Otherwise live a bitter pissed off life and die from it//
You know..there’s going to come a day when we go. No one is immortal. There’s no sense fearing it and definitely no sense in acting like that’s a reason to act a fool.
It’s good to know that someday that day will come when you make the journey to the other side. Especially if you have nothing. That alone should give you motivation, because knowing that you can ask yourself; do I want to sit around wasting away, spending all my time drinking , partying or being lazy or allowing myself to become a slave to a corporate society or do I want to make a difference in the world. How can I ? What can I do? You know what , I’m going to make a difference!…
All it is is a choice, because when your time comes to make the journey to the spirit world, you can either look back and remember all the great things you did for your family, yourself, your community, your people, your land and pass on knowing you lived…or you can lay there and meet the person you COULD have been, and die with regret, wishing you had lived a little more.
I believe everyone and anyone is capable of great deeds and honour. Everyone has a gift. You just need to seek it out. You have to decide that your worth more than a drunken night on a weekend. Your worth more than minimum wage at mcdonalds. Your worth more than you even know. Your worth making a difference for and so is everyone and everything around you because it’s not just you it’s all of us. We are all one creation. We are united. We are connected.
"A very great vision is needed, and the man who has it must follow it as the eagle seeks the deepest blue of the sky." - Tashunke Witko
I’m finding out I’m one of those people that other people don’t want to have around. I have not one clue why either , all I know is it sucks and I’m going to try figure out why I’m that person. I suppose it’s becUse I’m not very talkative or when I am I don’t know what to say so I just say random nonsense. I see all these social ppl who can hold an entertaining conversation so easily but I just don’t understand how they do it. Sure I can learn how but it won’t be real because since I was little I’ve always been the quiet one. It’ll just feel unnatural to be that social “butterfly” or whatever they call it. I wish I could be included in things more with my friends.
At least I have ceremonies , pow wows and round dances tho. Those aren’t always happening tho so when they’re not, it’s rare any of my ” friends” want to hang with me. I’d try to make new friends but idk how.
That’s all for now.
I know it’s fun to think of Canada as that ‘sweet apartment above a meth lab,’ as Robin Williams recently put it, but they’re still just looking for any old excuse to kill First Nations people.
I mean, Aboriginal women are seven times more likely than other women to be killed, and even the UN has recommended "a national inquiry into the ‘disturbing phenomenon’ of missing and murdered Aboriginal women," but the government responded, “LOL, actually, it’s no biggie." The Canadian ambassador to the UN even had the gall to elaborate: "Canada is proud of its human-rights record, and our peaceful and diverse society."
See, that’s the thing about renting an apartment above a meth lab: nobody’s gonna notice if you’ve been cooking meth, too.
You can sign the petition to tell the RCMP to stop violently intervening in First Nations protests here.